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  • Writer's pictureJames Kidac

Racing Metal

tell me everything you want to say. the good, the bad, the evil. in all of that honesty you think you have in your heart, in all those words floating in my head as i revolted into the night, i had to run, fast as wind into the crowd of that glittering night, knowing that it was the only way i knew how to be, a person moving in constant, at speed and at haste. there was no need to check myself into the streets, not even in the face of headlights and racing metals, those were not my concern as i moved block to block, long past the cores of the concrete town and all the glamours.

i hated being slow on the fast lane, and i hated being stifled by the humanity that previously defined me, those people who had doubts all over their own lives, reliving it through my blood and flesh, as if i had incubated any or all of those things they suffered from. i do not hate the person, i hate myself if i let it get to me, the insecurities of the generations lost in this new normal, that was no place to be. i ran and raced into the billowing night, knowing that this was not the realisation of truth, but the evasion of lies. i did not want to tell them that, or insinuate i knew better because that never helps, but i had to run fast as i always did, past the next set of blocks and then reaching a dead end at the inner city walls.

i turned back to figure out a way around the walls, i had no time to go back to the city, because it was just too loud, and brash, and made no sense to me in all its excesses and waste, indulgences and practices. i respected what they did, but i never wanted any part of it, and so i turned into the side alley and ran again, jumping over chutes and climbing over the fences when they blocked my way and then there was a great light at the end of the side alley, where i leaped towards trying to embrace it like a child, and at the end it overlooked a lake of sorts, an oasis like place with trees circling the lake and in the midst of nothingness. i knew not where i was, only that i was finally at peace with my psyche.

they loved disrupting me don't they, with all their biases and prejudices, with all those things that i abhor the most. but there was a great love overlooking all these things that i couldn't recouncile with the loathing. tell me more what it meant to be human, to accept some things but absolutely rejecting many antiquated concepts. is there any good in indulging them so much? maybe it is insanity to think one of their concepts would blossom, because i knew a great idea when i saw one. and those weren't ideas, they were funerals of ideas, watered down by propaganda and irrational fears, battered into losing arguments and safe thoughts. the hell is this thing they spawned in their hearts. i cannot give it in and accept this, but rage against the machine that created our self stifling beliefs.

again i looked twice into those beliefs, because i have many beliefs too, and what was stifling and what was actually pulling us from falling off the edge? this life is amazing in its inclinations towards either ends of the extremities. i loved it every single bite every single way.

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