i have tried to understand more and more the things that define each facet of processes or undertakings that we pursue for our artistic, intellectual, practical and spiritual inclinations and it is rather distressing at times but maybe that is just a person needing attitude adjustments at every step we take.
the simple truth is that we pursue things for a hogwash or target approach and we may never discern from such actions any set of values except from its reaction to the powers that be. currently reactively, the masses are rather lukewarm to blogs and themes and rightly so, when the rewards are stripped down and the industry is in shambles. there is little incentive to take charge of such situations and of projects, and people are practical types. in a flourishing industry, mine is a package that will excite anyone because of easy money involved in those times when pushing projects and themes, whereas it is all about not losing money now, about continuity in the proven concepts and derivatives of those successes.
pushing my own agenda is like punching against a brick wall, and that is tough as it is impossible unless you have an iron hand. now that i realise the practicality of things, i push back much less on this pursuit, knowing that my efforts are doubled all the time but the rewards remain elusive.
that however does not change my passions towards written work and creating great experiences in the worlds that i indulge in. the simple truth could be damning, but i have no time to lament about my profligacies in the opportunities my talent gives, given the people and circumstances i had previously created for myself. those things are let go and i have now a process towards things, that have a lower rate of success but align all my talents at once. to be honest, it is insanity and in all probability would fail, but i rather it be this way than slaving off in the ninetofive with no end in sight. i simply cannot stomach that senselessness and imposed sense of duty that does not do me any good. i have never needed excess and feel zero need to pay for such decisions made by the top. i have never rushed the guns and throw roses on every diamond there is in the lands. there is no passion for pushing into the very things that made me feel disenfranchised with the world. there is only one way, and that is flourishing of ideas and the betterment of the masses. i have no other vision for this world and may that be for a long time if i survive this modern abyss.